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Reviewed By Louise Chang, MD By Colette Bouchez WebMD Feature The TV commercials make it all seem so simple: He can't get an erection so he pops a pill. The next thing you know, his partner is cooing about how her guy is back to his old wild and romantic self. What the commercials don't show you: The painful distress a woman can experience when her man suffers with erectile dysfunction (ED). Diabetes: Women and their partners"Women internalize things -- they tend to blame themselves first, thinking it's because they have done something wrong, or that they are no longer attractive to their partner. In fact, the first thing a woman thinks when a man can't get an erection is that it's her fault, and nothing could be further from the truth," says Andrew McCullough, MD, director of sexual health and male infertility at NYU Medical Center in New York City.ED, or erectile dysfunction, is medically defined as the inability to achieve or sustain an erection long enough for sexual intercourse. Virtually all men experience some erection failures at certain points in their lives. It can be the result of stress, depression, or sometimes even for no reason at all. For some, the problem becomes chronic. When it does, a diagnosis of Erectile Dysfunction ED is made. According to the American Foundation for Urologic Disease, it's a problem that affects about 18 million men in the U.S. alone. Diabetes and diagnosisAlthough many women -- and men as well -- continue to view ED as a sexual issue, in truth, the most common causes are undiagnosed physical conditions such as diabetes, high cholesterol, or even the earliest stages of heart disease. Even more often, it can be the result of certain medications used to treat these conditions, particularly some high blood pressure drugs. |
"Most women usually start with a line of questioning that often has some anxiety or hurt to it. She may suspect her partner is having an affair, or that he just doesn't find her desirable anymore, so she begins to hint around at these possibilities," says Sallie Foley, MSW, a professor at the graduate school of social work at the University of Michigan and co-author of Sex Matters For Women.
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"She then experiences this pulling back as a confirmation that she has done something wrong, and so she retreats even further," says Foley. As she does, increasing levels of anxiety or depression can set in, along with suspicions about what's going on with him, as well as a continued belief that there is something wrong with her.
The end result: The couple can stop communicating altogether -- not only in the bedroom, but in all aspects of their relationship. And that, say experts, can only make problems worse for both partners.
"The one thing a woman should never do is withdraw because that is a formula for relationship disaster," says McCullough. When one partner pulls away, he says, the other withdraws as well, and "this kind of dance goes on where you stop touching each other, then you stop talking, and before you know it you are not communicating at all."
SOURCES:
Andrew McCullough, MD, director of sexual health and male infertility, NYU Medical Center; associate professor, NYU School of Medicine, New York.
Sallie Foley, MSW, professor, Graduate School of Social Work, University of Michigan; co-author, Sex Matters For Women.
Jennifer Downey, MD, clinical professor of psychiatry, Columbia University; psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, New York State Psychiatric Institute, New York.
American Foundation for Urologic Disease Sexual Function Advisory Council publication on ED, 2004.
Published Nov. 8, 2004.
Medically Updated April 19, 2006.
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